Apparently I Got Nothing to Say in Print
What the hell is wrong with me?
Suddenly I feel all blog-stymied and whatnot. I don't know how good of an idea it is to try to rectify this by writing a post about not having posted, but it's better than nothing.
That's my new motto about everything: BETTER THAN NOTHING.
I have been going to an assload of open mics, again. So if you wanted to, you could come see me in person, if you, Barbara, are of the New York persuasion.
So, um.
Okay, here's something. A little earlier this evening, after I got home from work, I had CNN on. It was the Anderson Cooper show. Today is his birthday, apparently. And a cutesily annoying news chick announces she's got "a special treat for [him]," and I'm thinking "I hope she knows he's gay." Then I wonder if Gloria Vanderbilt knows he's gay. So anyhow, CNN proceeds to air this, like, four-minutes' long gag reel of special-treat-for-Anderson "wacky footage," like a bear falling out of a tree onto a trampoline, and a rear shot of some frat-looking dude dancing, and people hit with pies, and that sort of thing. There's nasty carnivalesque music in the bkground, and intermittent "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDERSON" titles, also.
One of the clips is an enraged Indian elephant busting through a plate glass storefront window into what looks like an ATM vestibule. And I feel horrible for the elephant, and hope it didn't cut itself breaking through the glass. Then I note, with relief, that the elephant has a...some kind of a performance get-up on. Like an enormous satin shirt, it looks like. And I think, well, maybe that satin shirt protected the elephant from the broken glass somewhat.
Then my adult brain kicks in and intones SARAH LUCILLE FISCH, YOU ARE WATCHING CNN. THIS THOUGHT YOU JUST HAD, ABOUT THE RAMPAGING ELEPHANT SHIELDED FROM FALLING SHARDS OF GLASS BY A GIGANTIC SATIN BLOUSE, WAS OCCASIONED BY "AMERICA'S MOST TRUSTED NEWS SOURCE."
I wish the next thing I'd seen on CNN was Walter Cronkite busting into the studio and punching Anderson Cooper in the nose. But it wasn't. It was Anderson Cooper fucking BEAMING.
Happy birthday, Anderson Cooper. My birthday wish for you is that the Gravitas Fairy comes and gives you a magical birthday talking-to. Or that Gloria Vanderbilt does. She seems pretty hardcore, in her way.
Suddenly I feel all blog-stymied and whatnot. I don't know how good of an idea it is to try to rectify this by writing a post about not having posted, but it's better than nothing.
That's my new motto about everything: BETTER THAN NOTHING.
I have been going to an assload of open mics, again. So if you wanted to, you could come see me in person, if you, Barbara, are of the New York persuasion.
So, um.
Okay, here's something. A little earlier this evening, after I got home from work, I had CNN on. It was the Anderson Cooper show. Today is his birthday, apparently. And a cutesily annoying news chick announces she's got "a special treat for [him]," and I'm thinking "I hope she knows he's gay." Then I wonder if Gloria Vanderbilt knows he's gay. So anyhow, CNN proceeds to air this, like, four-minutes' long gag reel of special-treat-for-Anderson "wacky footage," like a bear falling out of a tree onto a trampoline, and a rear shot of some frat-looking dude dancing, and people hit with pies, and that sort of thing. There's nasty carnivalesque music in the bkground, and intermittent "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDERSON" titles, also.
One of the clips is an enraged Indian elephant busting through a plate glass storefront window into what looks like an ATM vestibule. And I feel horrible for the elephant, and hope it didn't cut itself breaking through the glass. Then I note, with relief, that the elephant has a...some kind of a performance get-up on. Like an enormous satin shirt, it looks like. And I think, well, maybe that satin shirt protected the elephant from the broken glass somewhat.
Then my adult brain kicks in and intones SARAH LUCILLE FISCH, YOU ARE WATCHING CNN. THIS THOUGHT YOU JUST HAD, ABOUT THE RAMPAGING ELEPHANT SHIELDED FROM FALLING SHARDS OF GLASS BY A GIGANTIC SATIN BLOUSE, WAS OCCASIONED BY "AMERICA'S MOST TRUSTED NEWS SOURCE."
I wish the next thing I'd seen on CNN was Walter Cronkite busting into the studio and punching Anderson Cooper in the nose. But it wasn't. It was Anderson Cooper fucking BEAMING.
Happy birthday, Anderson Cooper. My birthday wish for you is that the Gravitas Fairy comes and gives you a magical birthday talking-to. Or that Gloria Vanderbilt does. She seems pretty hardcore, in her way.
posted by sarahfisch at
7:15 PM
3 Comments:
That elephant not so funny.
But you are, Sarah Lucille Fisch.
i always thought cutesy should have an adverb, and now it does.
tia
:D:D:D
Totally better than nothing!
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