Friday, January 21, 2005

This Is Not A Joke About Killing the President.

Dear Friends,

I don't believe in assassinating the President, even if he is George W. Bush. I disapprove of shooting him, stabbing him, I do not condone throwing him out of Air Force One with a bum parachute. I am not for setting jaguars upon him, or inciting anybody to do so. Don't any of y'all lower him into a shark tank, either.

Instead I think we must fight him with our humor. And by that, I don't even mean making fun of him by calling attention to his simian face or barely-concealed hostility towards the majority of the world's peoples.

What I think we should do is, we should make the President laugh!

It won't be easy for us, I know. I don't think he finds us funny. I don't think he'd laugh at the same things we'd laugh at. He probably thinks it's funny when people fall down--I do too, but he probably thinks falling down is the only really funny type thing, as opposed to, say, words.

I don't think it would be a good idea for lots of people to fall down just to keep him amused, though. There are enough people falling down in this world as it is.

Instead, somebody should tickle him. I'll do it-- I'll tickle George W. Bush. I will tickle him for social change. I am willing to call up the White House, set up an appointment, submit to all the security checks, take the train to Washington, D.C., sit in a waiting room for hours, make small talk with all the other folks sitting and waiting for him, tell Condoleeza Rice her eye makeup looks good, etc. And then, with the President's permission, I will smilingly and politely tickle him. I'll tickle him under his chin, and his tummy, and I'll tickle his underarms, and he'll laugh and he'll laugh. He'll giggle and chortle and titter and chuckle. And I'll tickle and tickle him until his bowels explode.

Just kidding!!
J/K!
:D
ha ha ha!

7 Comments:

Blogger LORMO said...

I don't think you can "politely tickle" anyone, Sarah.

Just familiarize yourself with biological warfare, like any good democrat would, and does.

Not that I do. I'm too busy being depressed about the state of affairs.

9:23 PM  
Blogger AFM said...

I love sarahlucillefisch!

11:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd love to tickle him too, but for a different reason: he's cute and tickleworthy. I would tickle him until he wet all over himself.

7:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is W. even ticklish? I suppose there's only one way to find out. Hehe.

What if he had to wee? Would you stop, or would you let him pee on you?

I think I'd keep tickling until he soaked me. Somehow the thought of making our tough Texan president piddle like a baby is devilishly appealing.

4:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dubya is definitely ticklish. I saw a picture one time where the first lady is behind him with one hand on the back of his neck. He's obviously wiggling and starting to giggle. Maybe you could bribe her to clue you in on a couple of his presidential sweet spots.

I heard someone say one time that Dubya has really soft hands so I'll bet his soles are excruciatingly sensitive. I recommend wrestling him to the ground, pinning his ankles, and teasing his tootsies till he cries.

2:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ordinarily I’d say you people are all a bunch of sickos for wanting to make the president p*ss himself. That said, there’s no point to tickling the leader of the free world into a senseless mess if you aren't going to complete the humiliation. It shouldn’t be hard. Check out this link: http://i3.tinypic.com/1182lw9.jpg. Bush is unmistakably wet. It isn’t raining, and he just got off the plane, which obviously has a loo. My guess is he was either startled or someone made him laugh too much. His flushed half-smiling face suggests he’s recovering from a bout of the giggles.

2:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Ordinarily, I’d say you people are all a bunch of sickos for wanting to make the president p*ss himself."

Yeah but most presidents aren't George W. Bush. My ex would wet when he laughed a lot. It wasn't gross, it was funny! If it's a normal person, yuck, but it's different with a cute guy. Even if I don't like his some of his politics I have to admit Bush is hot.

I don't suppose Bush gets tickled much. I wonder if he'd give fair warning that he was going to wet his pants or if he would just pee. He'd definitely do one or the other because I'd make sure he had lots to drink. You can't tickle a guy that sexy and let him stay dry.

5:29 AM  

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