Newman / Parton '08

Now that George Bush has lowered the bar for presidential qualifications, and Arnold Schwarzenegger has continued the popular trend of movie stars governing the populace, I think Paul Newman and Dolly Parton would be an exceptionally good Democratic ticket for 2008.

Paul Newman still looks great, has raised a shitload of money for charity, drives racecars and overall seems like an intelligent, capable celebrity. Plus with Paul you get Joanne Woodward, and Joanne can tear it up.

Dolly Parton wrote 9 to 5! She is familiar with poverty and the travails of the working people. She's knowledgeable about Jesus, she's hot, and she's Southern. She will be a hoot at foreign-dignitary funerals. I hear she might be a lesbian, but the fundamentalists probably don't know that.

I would've recommended a Parton/Newman ticket, but I'm trying to be pragmatic.