I Hear Good Things About You, Jesus

Dear Jesus,

Do you have a minute?

I figured you might, now that the Terry Schiavo and Pope John Paul 2 situations are not so time-sensitive.

So, Jesus, listen, I'd appreciate some help, here. Anything You could do with regard to my overall wellbeing, like granting me peace and hope and remote absorption of any sins I've racked up, would be really nice of You. But more specifically, if You could see Your way to getting hold of a new albuterol inhaler, an Advair diskus, and a few months' supply of .75 mcg levothyroxine, 300 mg lamotrygine, and 300 mg Wellbutrin XL tabs for me, oh my G*d, I'd be hella grateful.




I don't wanna tell You Your business, but maybe You could, like, send Your Mom? She seems to appear in corporeal form somewhat oftener than You. She could materialize in the kitchen with my meds, and then I could go to the Brooklyn archdiocese and witness to Her divine presence and have them build Her a little something-something. A public pool would be nice, I think.

I wouldn't even ask, but all my secular options have been really fucked up lately. My ex-employer cancelled my medical insurance, funnily enough, without having got me my COBRA information in time for me to pay it and thereby maintain coverage--and though I sent them a check immediately upon finding out I'd been cancelled, it still took two weeks to reinstate me. I guess they're not miracle workers, huh? HAHA! (Sorry.)

And my out-of-pocket for my meds this month would’ve been about three hundred and fifty dollars. And though I could get my hands on the dough, I kind of had it earmarked for rent.

And although I asked, my doctor doesn't really like to give out free medicine. Presumably it irks the pharmaceutical sales reps. And hell, my doc isn't Mother Teresa. She gotta do for her and hers, a'ight?



Now, if there were some kind of national healthcare program, then I wouldn't have to bother You, Jesus. It would be far easier for me and others to obtain our prescribed medications without interruptions due to huge expense and/or reliance on corporate employment status. Why, if there was national healthcare for everybody, it'd probably even be easier to obtain asthma medications than street drugs! Because, Jesus, I know a guy who hangs out in front of the diner who tells me if I give him ten dollars, he'll give me several doses of diacetyl morphine right there on the spot, without phoning the HR lady at Holtzbrinck Publishing or the United Healthcare coverage department. Not that I've taken him up on it, just saying.

Now, I realize it's gonna be a great inconvenience for You and all the angels and saints to look after the health care needs of all Americans. I don't envy You the paperwork. But the President speaks so highly of You, and despite my semi-Jew status I did go to Your schools, as a kid.

Help a sister out.