Maybe it's the flu!

I'm sick. I know this isn't just a figment of my imagination. It started with a stuffy nose and a tickly-scratchy throat yesterday afternoon, and has progressed to mysterious body pains and vertigo hallucinations every time I move, and more mucus in my head than is attractive or called for. It's also brought on some moaning. I've been drinking fluids and sucking on C-and-zinc lozenges and watching Coal Miner's Daughter but nothing can stop the flu.

If I've got to feel this way, I'd better have contracted something famous. The flu is the A-list celebrity of late-winter, shitty-feeling viruses. I'd feel like an ass if this turned out to be whatever isn't the flu.

The summer before last, I didn't get West Nile. I was so disappointed. I did have something, but it was some lame-ass guest-star "Eastern viral encephalitis" crap. That just sounds disgusting, as though I'd been up to something gross. West Nile Virus was clearly the superior, zeitgeisty pathogen.

So, in closing, this had better be the flu. Or I'm going to be really put out. Oh, not at you, Barbara. Not at anyone in particular. Just at God.